I'm Mister Snow Miser...

Another holiday has come and gone. It was a great time with family and friends as we traveled back home to Indiana to make the rounds and spread the love. The plan was to travel to the midwest by train, stay a week, then hitch a ride with my father-in-law back to New York City. The best laid plans do not always work out as one hopes. The goal is to remain flexible and enjoy the ride, however it turns out. Truer words were never spoken!

We left Manhattan on Monday afternoon. After taking our dogs to the dog sitter, we headed to the train station. So exciting to take a train for once and not have to drive! And no, I do not fly at this time, much to my husband's angst and frustration. A paperweight suspended in the air? No strings attached? No net? No thanks. We usually drive, but we quickly learned that we did not need a car in the City so it was sold within three weeks of the move. The train it is! It ended up being a nice, relaxing trip. While the train was full, it was quiet and calming. The gentle swaying of the car was relaxing. The hum of the rails beneath the train was soothing. The assurance that we weren't going to miss the next exit or highway change was a breath of fresh air! We arrived in Indiana ready for the week that was to come. And what a week it was!

We hit the ground running as soon as the train dropped us off. And we had a blast! Drinks and a movie with theatre friends, dinners with old and dear friends, and quality time with family made it all worth while. And a video skype with my nephew in Iraq. Priceless. Six months shy of 21 years old, and he is working towards ending a war. No matter your opinion of what is gong on in Iraq, I could not be more proud of my nephew.

Then, as we were looking forward to heading back home to NYC tomorrow, Mother Nature dropped by for a visit with the Snow Miser. We were surprised the two had not been around yet, but perhaps they were waiting for us to leave so they could surprise us. And are they doing a number on the City! So far, it is 10.5" and counting. Needless to say, we will not be able to travel home on Monday. This makes me very sad. I am ready to be home.

Home. New York City feels like home now, just after six months. That is a wonderful feeling! My heart is longing to be back in the City. To pick up my dogs. To experience the beauty in this beast of a snow storm. To watch our neighborhood wake up like a sleepy little hamlet and see the supers become busy bees making channels in the snow. To watch my dogs romp and play in the snow, to snap at it like it's a new toy, to burrow their heads deep down in search of something hidden below the surface, and to taste the cold flakes on their tongues. 

Alas, we are in Indiana for at least one more day. We will make the most of it, I'm sure. Perhaps seeing family again. Or perhaps sleeping in and catching up on some old movies. Drinking hot chocolate and eating Christmas cookies. Yeah, I like the sound of that. If I can't be home, I'll at least make the most of it.

Happy holidays, everyone, where ever you may be!

If You Believe, Clap Your Hands!

By nature, I think we are all explorers in one form or another. We discover what we like what we don't like in food, art, work, and play. That is all based on our outer lives and based on the world around us with minor focus on our inner lives. Rarely or sporadically, however, do we explore our inner lives in detail. We shut that out. We exile ourselves from our own lives. Ooops.

Realizing that I have been short changing myself is a tough pill to swallow. Can't blame anyone else but me. I'm not sure that saying "yes" to everything now is the antithesis of that or even the right answer, but it may bear some clarity and provide a path out. Out to what? Clarity? Self sacrifice? Living lean and green? Oh, I wish I knew!

My latest "yes" is to an internship with a theatre management/production company. It's for six months, full time, with little pay. That's right, little pay - just a weekly stipend to offset travel/food expenses. But it will definitely aim to satisfy my art and work exploration. I have been missing that for quite some time. Still outwardly focused, but it does have a direct pipeline to my heart and inner spirit. That spirit is so small right now, I can barely see it! But it isn't dead yet. It's fluttering, wings beating, beginning to move around and lift its head a little.

So, it may not be the full-on inner exploration that I have been lacking, but it is a step closer. I'm saying yes to it. I'll take it and see where it leads.

Rain Drops Keep Fallin' On My Head...

A very dreary and wet day today.

The fire escape doesn't hold the magic and promise it usually does.

I think I'll stay inside and dream of a drier tomorrow.

The Most Magical Time of the Year

It's The Eye of the Tiger

I took a break over Thanksgiving. Lots of family time in New York City and Connecticut, running around, seeing theatre, enjoying life for a bit. Now I'm looking forward to heading home to Indiana over the Christmas holiday. Hopefully, life will start moving forward after that. Even though emotional changes are happening and mental decisions may or may not have been made, physical life is staying the same. Thankfully, I have a few people in my corner, cheering me on.

Support is always important. It can manifest itself in many ways, some constant and reliable and other surprising and out of the blue. You may say you don't need the support, you can do it on your own, but you still need it. Deep down, you know that it's true. It can be the physical support you still need after decisions are made. If it's a career change, how are you going to support yourself while you are working on a new career path? How are you going to pay for rent, insurance, transportation, food and water? How will you encourage yourself to continue on down this new direction after the excitement has worn off and the "Oh shit! What have I done? Quick, change it back!" doubts kick in? It's always nice to have a partner to rely on for those financial necessities and mental breakdowns. But what if you don't have a partner? What if you feel like you are alone in what you are trying to do?

I know, it's silly. We are never truly alone. But it often feels that way. You try to talk to someone, let them know what you are feeling, and they respond in a way that seems like they don't understand what you are trying to say or how you are feeling. You say it a different way, and they still don't understand. So you mentally go it solo. You stop sharing because it's the same every time you do. You start feeling like this alien creature in this human body that no one has the capacity to comprehend. Your human skin becomes your protection and your prison. Not as fun as it sounds. Just ask Sigourney Weaver.

It is really nice to have at least one person in your corner. One person who, even if they don't understand what you are saying, will say, "Okay. You do what you need to do. I'm here for you.". Or having that one person with whom you can commiserate. That's all we need, sometimes. Someone to listen, to forget about how it might impact them, and say, "Woah! That's a bummer!" or "Wow! How exciting!" or "Hey! Good for you!!!". Don't try to fix it - it's not yours to fix. Sometimes, it's just yours to listen and cheer us on.

That's all we need. Our own Mickey Goldmill.