By nature, I think we are all explorers in one form or another. We discover what we like what we don't like in food, art, work, and play. That is all based on our outer lives and based on the world around us with minor focus on our inner lives. Rarely or sporadically, however, do we explore our inner lives in detail. We shut that out. We exile ourselves from our own lives. Ooops.
Realizing that I have been short changing myself is a tough pill to swallow. Can't blame anyone else but me. I'm not sure that saying "yes" to everything now is the antithesis of that or even the right answer, but it may bear some clarity and provide a path out. Out to what? Clarity? Self sacrifice? Living lean and green? Oh, I wish I knew!
My latest "yes" is to an internship with a theatre management/production company. It's for six months, full time, with little pay. That's right, little pay - just a weekly stipend to offset travel/food expenses. But it will definitely aim to satisfy my art and work exploration. I have been missing that for quite some time. Still outwardly focused, but it does have a direct pipeline to my heart and inner spirit. That spirit is so small right now, I can barely see it! But it isn't dead yet. It's fluttering, wings beating, beginning to move around and lift its head a little.
So, it may not be the full-on inner exploration that I have been lacking, but it is a step closer. I'm saying yes to it. I'll take it and see where it leads.
Yay you! Yes is scary.
ReplyDeleteYes scary, but there is so much support out there for help with the process. Spirit never dies nor diminishes, once we look, it is there in its full beauty every time. We just need to decide how much we are going to let it out.
ReplyDeleteOh, I'm so delighted by this! Theatre needs more people like you and I have no doubt this can open a few doors (even just slightly) and get you into something that you're both good at and love doing!
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