A Coddler No More!

We are stronger than we know. It’s our strength that keeps us putting one foot in front of the other as we continue to search for that something that everyone else seems to have so easily. And we keep trying. And trying. And trying. To share, to live, to laugh and love. To do that, we must communicate. 

Now, I am not the best communicator. Yes, I see you nodding your head and I hear you saying, “No shit! I’ve been telling you that for years!”. Yeah, thanks. Luckily, I am not alone. I can look to my right and to my left, and I can see people struggling to communicate. To express and share without fear of being ridiculed, talked down to, or told we are wrong. Everyone loves to judge, but we all hate to be judged. Ironic, isn’t it? The truth is, we are all terrible communicators. See that? I’m judging. :) But I promise, I have a point. 

Even those who say they are an open book are terrible communicators. Why? Because we don’t speak the same language. And I’m not talking about English, Spanish, or French here. I’m talking about tone, word choice, inflection, patience, understanding, and care. So often we fail to give each other that safety net of unconditional love, support, and acceptance as we express ourselves in our own ways. We let our own judgments cloud and interpret what we are hearing and not hearing. We put so much of ourselves on the other person that we forget to let them be themselves, that we force them to cater to our needs.

I have been a coddler for years. A coddler to tow an even line, to make life easier for some of those around me, so they would feel better about themselves. I stopped being honest and expressing myself as I need to in order to open up and be free. I did so to try to protect someone else. Did it work? Of course not! In coddling them, I ended up coddling myself. Giving myself the out for various reasons in many situations. In protecting them from “the unacceptable me”, I in essence put up a protective barrier around myself. It was a barrier of brick and mortar, steel and stone. Inpenetrable once it became so thick, to those trying to get in, and to me trying to get out.

Now, I am in a position where I am no longer bound to that coddling. You could say that I’ve taken a vow of non-coddling from now on. And instead of being silent, I am going to speak up and be heard. It’s better for both sides, even if speaking up hurts some feelings for awhile. Hurt feelings fade, and logic comes in to reason it out. It’s just getting to that point, and no longer giving myself the out.

Coddling, you're my bitch now!